Hankins’ Neighborhood

If you're here, you should be at my actual blog instead.

Tell us about an event that changed your life forever.
Submitted by Miss Scotch.

In 2003 I messaged a girl who had an interesting profile on Friendster, asking her out on a date.   I'd never asked a girl out directly like that before, online or otherwise. Later, we got married.

so every year around the new years time i like to come up with a new saying for myself. You know these now as what most people call 'slayings' because they are sayings that totally kill! so with the new year just behind us I felt it was time for a brand new 'slaying'. try this one out on your friends and see if they don't think you are the creme in the crop!

here goes. imagine someone says something pretty gross to you. or shows you something gross. or does something gross. you get what i mean? like they say..."My lunch had a metal screw in it" thatsgross! or maybe "I would like ot have sex with condolezza Rice." you go "ew gross!"

maybe they are chewingo n a tunafish sandwich and you say "what are you eating?" and theny say "SEEFOOD!" and they open thier mouth and show you the inside with all the chewedup gross tuna and white bread and saliva. very gross. but you reply. "why is your mouth open. i get it you are eating tuna." because tuna is actually Seafood. so the joke bombs because 1. its gross. 2. you cant HEAR homophones.

ok but instead of saying "ewwww. gross!" to any of these things because that is pretty boring you just shake your head and go "brrrr!". that's pretty hot isn't it? the idea is that you are so chilled by the grossness of what you have just seen or heard that you have to say "brrr!" like its so cold from grossness.

try it out. people will be very impressed.

your friend who treid grossing you out with his half eaten tuan sandwich will just stand there with his mouth continueing to stay open going "whaa...whay di you jus sa bbrrr? wha doe tha mea? brr? get it...im eatin seefoo? see? foo?"

then you walk away.

brrr!

That is my sumbitted question of the day. Here are some of my ideas:

• bushes hell will be to spend eternity locked in a room with a large glass window looking out at 'brush' piling up along the path outside.
• hhahaha. no it wont. it will staring into the eyes of the thousands of dead iraqi babies.
• no wait! he will be locked in a room forced to watch as saddam, george senior, and a multitude of angelic iraqi babies laugh and play at clearing brush.
• and taking turns kissing with condi.

please stop with the smoking already though. ok? i do not care about your lungs but every time i see one of you smoking a cigarette then i get crazy for a cigarette myself. unless you are really ugly...ugly people, feel free to keep smoking. but you attractive handsome and pretty people stop. do it for me. you drive me crazy with that.

I quit smoking once for 6 months and everythign was going really well and then i saw parkerposey smoking a cigarette at a bar one day and it was all over i ran out bought a pack of cigarettes and smoked the entire pack in an alley off second avenue. right then and there. thank you for nothing parkerposey. well thank you for clockwatchers i guess. but no thank you for making me smoke again.

you are so pretty it is hard to understand sometimes.

Some days I feel like i know who i am and what i like and dislike. and if you asked me if i would like a sugarysweet romantic comedy about some new york media professionals with jobs no one really knows what they do and they all live in friends type giant apartments...and the entire movie makes the fucking 'sex in the city' shows seem edgey and hip...well i would tell you 'no..no sir i would not like a movie like that. oh you said greg kinear? no probably not. wait jack jackam? the guy from wovlerine? no, ill pass..."

but then you say 'lemmie just play a minute of it for you ok? will you let me do that?"

then i'd say "sure whatever. but keep a bucket close because ill probably be puking the entire time."

and then you roll the tape and then there is ashley jud and I just start making these sounds 'awww....' and 'oh..so sweet. hi ashley.'
and the entire time i am grinning from ear to ear.
and then you turn it off and you say 'yeah. awful huh? I'll leave it off."
then i say soemthing like " well, whatever...yo know just go ahead and play the rest of it...  imean lets really just see just how bad it gets...PLAY THE TAPE MAN... NOW!"

then you play it again and i start making these cooing sounds again. i probaby even tear up a few times.

then when it is done i hang my head in shame. but i already know i might be making my first dvd purchase ever.

and i begin to wish i were morgan freman because i think he has been in TWO movies with ashely.